A joke memorandum from a fictitious organization that might as well be true, given my experience being forced to do Scrum.
MEMORANDUM
To: Scrum Masters
From: Scrum Managerial Research Institute
Date: 02-25-2025
Subject: Tips for Ensuring Scrum Compliance
Introduction
At Scrum Managerial Research Institute, we understand the challenges Scrum Masters face when dealing with team members who exhibit resistance to Scrum. Such individuals often present ideological objections, consume valuable time, and disrupt team harmony. This memo provides clear, actionable strategies to ensure compliance without the need for prolonged debates—so you can get back to work.
1. Invoke Authority
Remind team members that Scrum is not up for debate. Clearly communicate that the decision to adopt Scrum was made at higher levels in the organization. If objections persist, direct team members to their reporting chain. This removes you from the argument and reinforces organizational alignment.
“This isn’t my call; leadership decided this. If you have concerns, take them up with management.”
2. Skip Retrospectives
Retrospectives can devolve into ideological debates. If engineers are not willing to engage constructively—by only attacking Scrum itself—your only option is to suspend the practice. Until engineers can focus on working within the framework, sadly, they’ll have to forgo the benefits they would otherwise gain from incremental improvement.
3. Tighten the Leash
Strict adherence to the Scrum Guide is required to remove ambiguity and quash deviations. Here are a some suggested actions that can help right the ship:
Run Scrum Meetings Yourself: Eliminate opportunities for derailment.
Enforce Rules in Tools: Add required workflow steps and fields to Jira.
Define Done in Detail: Draft a detailed, non-negotiable Definition of Done to ensure standards are upheld.
Take Attendance: Enforce meeting participation to ensure team accountability.
Attach Consequences to Carry-Over Stories: If work isn’t completed within the sprint, establish tangible repercussions.
Consistency is key. Deviations signal that Scrum itself is negotiable.
4. Maintain Control
As the gatekeeper of Scrum tools and processes, you hold the leverage:
Don’t Negotiate: Avoid debates with developers. Keep interactions brief and to the point.
Stay Unflappable: If complaints arise, disengage politely. Example: “I’ve got something else to attend to. You’ll excuse me?”
5. Escalation
When compliance remains elusive:
Refer Developer Objections to HR or Management: Clearly communicate that you are enforcing an established industry standard practiced in thousands of companies worldwide.
Frame the Issue as Non-Personal: “This isn’t about you or me—it’s about following proven, universal standards.”
Conclusion
While it may feel uncomfortable, strict enforcement of Scrum is sometimes necessary. Scrum only functions when it is implemented in its entirety. Over time, even the most stubborn team members will come to appreciate the discipline and structure you bring to their work. Until then, remain firm, professional, and consistent.
Work isn’t always fun—that’s why they call it ‘work.’
Scrum Managerial Research Institute
Man, this is SO SO good. Sarcasm and facetiousness are individually amazing, but combined ... !